Here I am again having not posted for the last couple of years. Has my life changed? Yes, but not in a fundamental way ... still the change has been perpetuated by someone else's actions and not my own. The man I was seeing dumped me when after over two years I stated that I was going to move closer to him. I was not serious about this but was testing him out. I got my answer. I won't go into the whys but he was a unfaithful man who got found out, although to this day he does not know that I had found out.
Although, I suspected that he would have that reaction, the experience left me devastated for a number of weeks and I felt that my world had come to an end. Now where am at? Seeing someone else who has borne the brunt of my lack of trust and who says that he is not like that. With my "lack of trust" head talking .... we'll see! Admittedly, he is different but I can not erase that worm of a feeling that I sometimes get when negative thoughts start to pervade my consciousness.
Putting all this aside the question I have is: why can't I break free from the biological need to be in a relationship? Why can't I do without a man and get on with the things that I believe I WANT? When I am in a relationship I tend not to concentrate on what I want so much and get involved with what we are doing. If I was not in a relationship maybe I would follow through with my ideas ... who knows?
Relationships don't allow for alot of "me" time. Your head space can get crowded when you've got to accomodate another person. Perhaps you need to find someone like yourself....opposites attract but they don't make good partners!
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